Monday, February 20, 2012

I crack myself up

Sometimes, I actually, really entertain myself. I just reread an email I sent to a friend the other day. I wrote this e-mail talking about my self sabotage tendencies. When i reread this I laughed so hard I cried because of the way I ended it: Here is the e-mail. I swear this e-mail looks like something i have seen on one of Ellen DeGeneres' Craig List jokes.

"I plot against myself. Yep. Just the other day, I stealthy laid in wait, with a knife craftily concealed behind my own back til I caught my own self off guard. I jumped out of no where from the midst of the darkness and threatened to take myself out. I sure did. I leaped from the bushes wearing a black ski mask and pair of black spandex, and in a gruff, serial-killer voice, said: "Where do you think you are going?" I darn near stalked myself for several days, til finally, I got the courage to send myself a criminally orchestrated death threat. It said something like: "I am going to drown you in the bathtub before turning on the bath water. All things are possible with the homicidally insane."  I am over here saying OMG, I better clarify. I am in no way thinking of self harm. At all. Really. I am just thinking about how twisted my life is. And how out of whack it gets. I get things straight for a while. Then bang. I slam my foot in the door once again. My life is so crazy that I am afraid to claim sanity at all anymore." 

Okay, folks, "I AM IN NO WAY THINKING OF SELF HARM. REALLY?" And what was your first clue? The knife craftily concealed behind ones back? Perhaps the black ski mask or the act of self stalking? In most states these are all psychological signs of mental wellness.

Don't wig out Terri. You know that was funny. This is hilarious and I did not even do this on purpose. So that makes it even more funny. It just is.

2 comments:

  1. sometimes all you can do is laugh at yourself. but think i'm fooled tammy. i hear the pain under your crazy little rants. be good to you. and put the knife away.

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  2. Ahh Terri I don't really have a knife pulled out. I'm just messing around. And I believe you get the whole of what I am saying. I really do laugh at all of this, but yes, there is a lot of pain there too. But, the irony of some of this is just damn funny.

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