I started today rereading a book I read last yr by John Bevere, entitled "The Bait of Satan." The book is about becoming offended, unforgiveness, and holding grudges. It is really a powerful book....if only I have ears to hear. I am reading this book and seriously trying to open my ears and heart to God once again. I have become blinded by pride and arrogance, and I know this. My heart condition is not really about what someone else did or did not do. It is about me, and the nasty person that God sees me becoming.
There was a point where I thought things were fine and I was not offended at anyone. I was over this. But, part of me fears that this last relationship did something irreparable in me. I feel such a coldness in me, that it is frightening. So, I am crying out to God for help. I can't get past this.
It is time to start over once again. I feel like Peter after Jesus asked the whole bunch if they wanted to leave too, and he replies, "Where else are we gonna go? Only You have the words of life." I feel so weak right now, that I am not sure that I can even utter, "Lord help my unbelief." But, I hope God can hear some part of me that can't communicate.