Recovery

Some of you may or may not know what these chips represent. I will explain. I am in a 12 step recovery program at a local church called Celebrate Recovery. This program works with people who struggle with addictions of all kinds. The group I attend is for co-dependency. These chips represent how many days I have been "sober" of addiction. I am celebrating 6 months clean. With every day that passes I am finding out that I don't want the person that I am avoiding back again. This, for me, is a huge victory because it is amazing what kind of betrayal that I learned to put up with just to hold on to some form of "love." This type of "love" is toxic. It masqueraded as love, until the blinders of naivety were removed and I began to see the truth. 

God is beginning day by day to shed the truth onto every lie that I have believed. I don't feel shackled to anyone. I am not bound by loneliness and grief over missing someone that did not really love me. I am finding myself complete in God and not in a desperate frenzy to have someone's "love." I am almost in shock that I am happy. Or maybe the real word here would be peaceful. Lately, I am drinking in the peace of God that more than replaces a toxic counterfeit. God's love is solid. It is not fickle. He does not love you one day and cheat the next. He is faithful.....even when we are unfaithful.  I am trying to grasp this beautiful concept of fidelity from Him, so I can offer it back to Him.