Beelzebub

Well, it's official.  Nathan has affectionately nicknamed my laptop Beelzebub.  I have been telling him for 2 months now that if he does not hear from me over a few day period that he should send the police to look for my body because most likely my laptop has risen in the middle of the night and slew me. I will be found strangled with a mouse cord dangling from my neck. My laptop works when it feels like it and it does crazy things like: wipe out all my files, then turns around and spits them all back out again and says something like: "Ha just kidding. I just wanted to see you enter into heart failure, and before you turn blue see if I can resuscitate you again using my superior intellect, electronic wizardry, and CPR savvy only to do the same thing again the next day and the next day. Hmmm my neighbor has a weiner dog and it's first name it about to become O-S-C-A-R, and its last name is about to become M-A-Y-E-R. I am drawing a cartoon in my mind and here are the components:
One possessed laptop that has been diagnosed as bi-polar with homicidal tendencies + one demonized attack wiener dog = a few packages of Oscar Mayer hotdogs.

Have you ever seen cons fuss over their dogs?  I mean the other day there was this lady (with questionable character) on the road side "need food for my kids and electric bill money" and she is holding her wiener dog which is wearing a 40 dollar Izod sweater and a pair of Levis. Now folks I am slow on the uptake when it comes to people, but I have learned that not everyone is honest. So, I got a bit cynical at the raspy voice and alcohol breath. But it was that Cuban Cigar that really sent up a red flag.
"Lady, you don't have money to feed your kids, you are not buying soap or toothpaste (which is obvious) but your dog is wearing designer clothing and you reek the smell of Jack Daniels?......But, let me see if I have some money to buy your kids some food. What do they like to eat? .........Purina Chow? Lady I don't think that is healthy for your children. Maybe you should consider seeing a nutritionist. Hey! Wait just a minute!"

"Really lady? I didn't just fall off the cabbage truck ya know. How dumb do I look? ..........Okay, how much is your electric bill? 500 DOLLARS? Well, I probably shouldn't give you cash.  Maybe I should make it out to the electric company........ You need me to make it out to Big Daddy's Pimp Service? Okay, lady I have had it with your sob story, even I know that you are trying to rip me off.................Okay. Maybe just once but after that you are gonna need to get a job. You have a job? You've been skimping from Big Daddy's Pimp Service and you are a hooker?..........Okay lady I can't support hookers so you'll have to find another sucker. What do you mean you have found one already? Hey! That's my purse!

Moral of the story: Never trust your laptop while you are sleeping and never ever trust women with wiener dogs!

Okay folks............THAT was totally off script!